the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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