wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
