he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
