Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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