My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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