i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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