I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
