Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize