i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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