can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
