I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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