I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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