This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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