i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
