NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
