I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
