I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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