Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
