i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They have beer where we have blood.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
