you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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