Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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