so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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