Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
