Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
