Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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