i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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