ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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