i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
