and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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