she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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