We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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