you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
