Betty ford says i'm here all night
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
