she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
