everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The beer is more important than you right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
