That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize