I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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