I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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