Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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