I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
