I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
