Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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