I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
