# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
