Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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