Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
