i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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