She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize