Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
