My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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