What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
