so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
