i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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