HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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