I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
