I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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