There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
