tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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