Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
