this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
A bitchslap is in order.
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