i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
