You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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