Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
