Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize