my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
bring money and cleavage
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
