i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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