You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
