3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
