wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
