If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
