Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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