I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
