Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
