I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
