ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
