I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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