Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
